Saturday, July 25, 2015

Blowing Off on Blown Off

In South Florida, on the DJ LAZ Morning Show, there is a very entertaining segment called Blown Off.  Every day, listeners call in and try to get answers as to why someone in their romantic life is blowing them off.  The show is good.  Too good in fact.  It is so good that I was sure it was staged, scripted and the "listeners" calling in had to be actors.  I sent the show producer Miss Bryan a private message on Twitter and he denied the show being scripted.  He said that she show is edited but that the stories are real.  So here's my beef...

The people being blown off, for the most part, appear to have NO IDEA what in the world they did wrong in order to deserve being banished.  When the major offense comes to the light it is often something very minor that could have been resolved very easily with open, honest communication.  Very often the alleged "deal breaker" was something that could have been fixed, given that the other person was made aware of the pet peeve that they were unknowingly committing and if they liked the other person enough to want to change it.  Some examples of "deal breakers" on the show included bad breath, clothing malfunctions, using the bathroom with the door open, and many other superficial and fixable issues that could easily be addressed and modified before unilaterally calling it quits. The main problem in these relationships is the lack of communication.  Most people are not mind readers.  They need to be told what is a turn on or turn off by the other person.  How can someone be expected to live by someone else's rules without even being made aware of them!

Person after person on the show was expected to live up to certain dating rules that they were not made privy to.  How in the world can a person win at a game when the other person makes up the rules and does not tell them what they are?  How in the world can someone think that them doing that is fair?  The other person never had a chance to begin with.  I believe all the callers who call into the show should wear this pin -->

What happens is this: Person A makes the rules, Person B unknowingly breaks one or more of the undisclosed rules.  Person B then calls the show to see why Person A is not returning his or her messages.  So Person A explains the rule that was violated and what happens next is both people engage in hurling a massive war of nasty words at each other.  These are the most vial, noxious, degrading, and demeaning insults.  That is why I thought the show had to be scripted.  How can SO MANY people naturally have such quick wit when it comes to being obnoxious, mean and rude?

So then you think, wait a minute.... you supposedly liked the person so much that you wanted to keep being with them and then you got rejected and now all the sudden you intensely hate and despise that person?  Where did that hate come from?  What is wrong with this picture?

I'll tell you what is wrong.  People are not loving or even caring about the other person at all.  If they did there would be no drama and the show would be kind, beautiful and boring.  People are loving themselves.  If they cared about the other person's thoughts, needs, wants, traditions, culture, and opinions etc they would want them to be happy even if (gasp) being happy meant that it excluded being with them.  People calling in are very simply just using each other as objects of self gratification and the minute the other person doesn't fulfill the role that they wanted them to play in their lives, all hell and chaos breaks loose.  The show could also be called Egomaniacs Anonymous.  That's what it really is.

There was one exception that I heard when two people seemed to really like each other and had a misunderstanding which was cleared up with communication (surprise) and then they proceeded to continue to give the relationship a chance.  Even such an innocent misunderstanding can also be a result of the ego clouding reality, causing people to doubt themselves and one another and to assume things falsely without seeking clarification.  The ego thinks that "it's all about me."  This can be disguised as having low self esteem or low self confidence because the person incorrectly thinks that it's their fault something isn't going right.  Again, it's all about them.

A simple skill such as truthful communication can easily clear up the confusion but the ego gets in the way and the couple has a hard time getting closure on their own, hence they call in to the show to exploit their loveless relationship and trash the rejector as if they never wanted them back in the first place.  Ego trip!!! Why do so many people want to have their dirty laundry aired on the radio for thousands of people's entertainment and amusement?  Ego trip!  People are willing to sacrifice their personal privacy over a few minutes of having their own semi-anonymous (assuming no one recognizes the voice, stats, MO, or first name) reality radio show!  I am still not convinced the show isn't scripted.  I mean the back and forth banter is just really super-creative. Someone had to think about those punch lines!!! But I digress...

The majority of the relationships crashed and burned on the show, sometimes revealing sexually explicit secrets about the lovers in a condescending and demoralizing way.  While I am guilty of listening to and enjoying the show, I do find it very sad that society functions this way.  The angry insults are a reflection that there was an ego badly bruised.  It is also a reflection that the person is really angry at themselves and is projecting that anger onto the other person.  They might be angry at themselves, for example, for sleeping with someone too quickly who didn't value them.  There was no trust or friendship as a foundation and it just exploded and never had a chance from the beginning.  But it is much easier to be angry at someone else and project the blame on them for silly fixable nuisances than it is to take a good hard look in the mirror and see where the source of grief is really coming from.  The things people claim are "deal breakers" are just a sorry excuse to end something that didn't feed their ego in the way that they wanted.

Taking a look at the drawing below reveals that the ego is running the Blown Off show 99% of the time.  If more people operated from the heart and soul, there would be no clashes and indeed no show.  Just love.  Wow, would anyone listen into a radio show that had couples being grateful, forgiving, respectful, honoring, tolerant, friendly, and loving?  Would a show like that get any air time at all?  Why is society so fixated on drama, chaos, confusion, and madness?  Could people find the same adoration for peaceful resolution of conflict that they find in pictures of puppies and stories that end in happily ever after?  Could we then use that as a model and inspiration to create the same happiness in our lives?  I would love to see the show take on a new direction and have heart and soul based relationships calling in and demonstrating to listeners how they can heal just about any wound in their relationship with communication, care, mutual respect, and altruism.  Instead, the show focuses on people who think the other human being is disposable and merely there to serve their needs and feed their ego.

In conclusion, I'd like to hear success stories, not distress stories.  I'd like to hear about happily ever after or at least happy.  Happy is good.  Miserable people comiserate and then blame their misery on other people.  When will people understand that everyone out there is just a reflection of what's inside of themselves?  There's a lot of healing that we need to do people.  A lot of self introspection and taking responsibility for our behavior if we want to have healthy fulfilling relationships.
Until then....

Ahuva Gamliel

Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Ultimate Cosby Show

Like millions of American, I grew up watching the Cosby show. I'd come home after school, do my homework, eat dinner, and sit down in the living room with my parents to enjoy a program that we thought was wholesome, innocent humor.

For millions of Americans, Cosby represented the American dream, the much sought after American lifestyle, and an all-American success story.  Regardless of race, the entertaining show captured our hearts and minds, gave us hope for a brighter future, and something to live-up to and strive for.  We were captivated by what seemed like such divine and sublime innocence.  Cosby played a doctor on the show and as Mr Huxtable, his behavior was respectable, classy, and humorous.  We just adored him.

As an adult I watched Cosby's comedy clip videos on YouTube and was very impressed by the fact that his jokes were always clean and never perverted.  There are plenty of comedians who make dirty jokes, sexual jokes, perverted jokes, and jokes with sexual innuendos, but Cosby's humor was always classy, clean, elegant, and eloquent and I respected that he didn't have resort to the lowest common denominator.  Unlike many other comedians, he didn't curse, swear, or use any vulgarity, or profanity in his stand up routines.    

On the surface he was just an exemplary citizen who deserved his vast fame and fortune.  He played the part of a great man, person, husband, father, leader, and entertainer very well.  So well in fact, that he fooled us all, he tricked us all, and he deceived us all.  And now we are left baffled and bewildered, trying to make sense of possibly the greatest deception of our time.

Had it been one of the comedians who was making perverted, crass, and crude jokes, we would have said, "We should have seen that coming."  But Cosby?  No one could even have imagined that the picture perfect celebrity role model could have been leading a double life all this time.  That beneath the surface of what we thought looked as close to perfection as it gets, was a rotten, despicable, and very sick and twisted human being.

We have been duped America.  And why this is such a big deal is that we made him rich.  We supported him, we bought tickets to his shows, we gave him the fame and fortune because we thought the act was real.  Had we known years ago what we know now, Cosby would not be rich and (in)famous, he'd be broke and behind bars!

When an American purchases a product because of certain healthy ingredients, and if it is later discovered that there was false advertisement and that the product did not in fact contain the ingredients that were listed on the label, the person can sue the company for false advertisement.  The person unknowingly bought a lie.  A company has a responsibility to list the correct ingredients on the label and if they omit or add something in-authentically, the damages caused to the public are grounds for legal action.

According to online sources, Cosby is worth approximately 400 million dollars.  I believe that the American people should file a class action law suit against Cosby for deceiving us.  We made him rich not knowing that all along he was a sexual predator and adulterer.  Although the statute of limitations have passed on the women he drugged and raped and he has settled out of court on some cases and who knows how many women out there have not come forward out of embarrassment, shame, or fear of negative publicity, we cannot sit still and allow this pervert to be a free man living in the lap of luxury.  

In the 2005 deposition tapes he admits to drugging and sexually abusing women.  Where is the justice?  We the American people are outraged, disappointed, disillusioned. betrayed, disgusted, angry, sad, confused, and shocked.  We have so many questions and no answers.  Why did he do it?  What causes a person to repeatedly drug and rape women?  How did he get the drugs?  On what basis did he select his victims?  How many victims were there? Is it a mental illness?  Is it curable?  Is it an addiction or a compulsion?  Why didn't he get help?  Does he know that it's wrong?  After he admitted drugging and raping women, how did his wife feel?  Why does she stay with him?  Does he feel any remorse?  Why hasn't he issued an apology?  Does he have a conscience? Is he a sociopath?

Each act had to be carefully planned and premeditated.  It's not like a murder case where someone can plea temporary insanity.  This was clearly an ongoing hidden insanity and the fact that it was such a well kept secret for so many years leads me to believe that he knew it was evil and he kept doing it anyway.  Was that part of the thrill?  The possibility of being caught or found out?

I wish Oprah or someone else could interview Cosby.  Does he have any regrets?  Does he realize that each victim can have a lifetime of emotional and trust issues due to his sexual abuse? Does he care?  

I would want to know the answers to all of the above questions in order to try to learn the mind of a pervert in order to prevent future women from falling prey to such predatory charismatic and charming characters who live double lives.  We have to protect our children from these masterminds of deception.  We have to learn as a society that not everything that glitters is gold.  Once again we have judged a book by its cover and we have been very, very wrong.  We must learn from our mistakes and try very hard not to make them again in the future.  

I mourn the loss of what I thought was a great man.  I feel sorry for all the victims and their families.  I feel a sense of unfairness about it all.  I feel unsettled.  I wish justice could be served.   I want closure.  I wish Cosby would be a decent person and say that he was sorry to all his victims and to the American people who he purposely deceived.  It's the least that he could do.  This really is the world of illusion.  I can only rest assured that he will be taken care of in the afterlife.

Cosby you broke our hearts but not our spirit.  America better rethink her laws when people admit to heinous crimes after the statute of limitations passes.  This lack of justice is upsetting and unsettling.

Take a bow Cosby.  The show is over.