COSTA RICA Reflections & Suggestions

My daughter and I recently went on a 7 day 6 night adventure vacation in Costa Rica to celebrate her 12^th birthday.  I found a GREAT deal on Travel Zoo with a company called Travel by Jen and their sister excursions company Jet Set Vacations (who booked all our fabulous excursions). My travel consultant was Sue Dibenedetto and she was fabulous from beginning to end.  I am a seasoned traveler and usually don’t have so many questions and concerns but traveling during the pandemic was something new to me and I had a lot of unknowns.  Sue was very patient and kind with me.  Even though I often messaged her after hours (not expecting to hear back until the next business day) she was always quick to respond and address all of my concerns.  She made me feel like a VIP and I really appreciate the level of care and service that she provided.  When I moved around my excursion dates because of the Sabbath, she was not bothered, annoyed, or anything, she just wanted to make sure our vacation was the best it could be and that we were happy with everything as we wanted it.  She went above and beyond expectations and I really value her for that.  She didn’t just want to sell me the package and upgrades and go on to the next client, she wanted to make sure that we were satisfied with every aspect of our vacation. The entire experience with her has been great and I highly recommend her to my family and friends!  I hope to plan a trip to Iceland next year with her!

I want to share my pandemic travel experience so that others may benefit from all the things I learned and utilize the information contained here for their benefit.  It’s always best to learn from other people’s experiences than to have to go through the same issues. Hopefully these tips can help someone to have a more amazing trip!

GETTING THERE 

The flight from South Florida was seamless. On the way there we flew nonstop but unfortunately American Airlines cancelled the flights we had originally wanted so not only did we arrive later in the day,* but our return flight also had a short layover. Not ideal, but considering the circumstances with the pandemic, it’s understandable that there is less tourism and therefore some flights are cancelled. I’m not sure if it’s because of the virus, but there were no movie screens on the chairs in front of us, we were expected to bring our own devices and watch movies from them.  We did not know this.  These are all minor adjustments. 

One thing that I wish I knew or asked is that Fort Lauderdale airport (which is closer to where we live than Miami) also has direct flights to Costa Rica. For some reason I associated that airport with domestic flights and Miami with international, but that’s not always the case. It might be with certain countries like Israel but it’s not the rule.  Knowing this in advance would have saved our commute time to and from the airport but it’s not a big deal in the grand picture.

Arriving later in the day was problematic/inconvenient and I will explain why when I get to that part of the story.

I want to mention that we returned from our trip prior to January 26, 2021.  This is important because currently* international travel requirements have changed and in order to reenter the USA, you need to have a negative covid test done within a certain time frame of your departure. This is something that a person should check with their travel agent and with the appropriate authorities because I have a friend who was stuck in Columbia for 2 extra days for this reason!

RENTAL CAR

Our package deal included a Hyundai with Adobe rental car.  The airport in Costa Rica is very small, so the rental car agencies are offsite.  Our shuttle driver waited for us outside the airport with a sign and he had our name on his list. Everything was well organized and marked.  We waited a little for other tourists to arrive but ended up driving to the rental car location with just one other person after about 20 minutes or so of waiting outside.  The shuttle bus could probably seat 10 people or so. The drive to the rental car agency was not long. 

If I had known that some of my drives would be up and down some very steep mountains and even one restaurant that we drove to, we drove about a mile on an unpaved road, I would have paid extra to get a more rugged car such as a jeep (4 x 4), truck, or at least a 6 cylinder car!  A 4 cylinder car has no power going uphill and Costa Rica is a very hilly country.  Especially the first 3 days of our trip!  Although the car was automatic transmission, luckily it also had a manual option which I used in the mountains.  Downshifting while going downhill is important so that you don’t wear the brakes out and the car slows itself down based on the gear you are in. When going up steep mountain roads, putting the car in a low gear gives more power and makes it easier to accelerate. THANK GOD none of our driving on the more dangerous roads happened in the rain.  Driving uphill in the rain in a weak car is recipe for disaster (slipping backwards, no traction on wheels, losing control of the vehicle, getting stuck or crashing!).  Been there, done that and it’s scary.  Not something I’d want to put my 12 year old daughter through!

The travel agency was very upfront and disclosed that although the car rental was included in the package, the mandatory rental car insurance was not included and would be collected at the time of picking up the vehicle.  We were informed in advance that it could cost $15 or more per day. Upon arriving to pick up the car, they presented the $15 per day option and the more expensive option (with better coverage).  The more expensive option had a $150 refundable deposit and the cheaper insurance had a $700 deposit.  The funds were returned after the vehicle inspection upon return.  Of course we were to return it with a full tank of gas to avoid additional fees and also not excessively dirty to avoid cleaning fees. 

Also, although there are MANY cell phone towers all over the country, there were remote areas that we had no reception and no wifi means no GPS and no GPS means you gotta DIY.  The thing is that the highways and streets barely have any signs so it’s very hard to figure out where you are going.  Driving at night is a challenge because some (many) of the roads have no lights AND the highways are often just 2 lanes (one in each direction) without a center divider so when you drive at night the other side’s headlights are in your eyes and it is hard to see!  This is why arriving at 1pm instead of 11am was problematic. It took us time to get the rental car and by the time we were on the road, we did end up having to drive to our hotel at night in the dark on country streets with potholes which was scary because if we got a flat there was no one around to help.  We did have a spare tire in the trunk but there are no street lights so trying to change a tire in the dark would be very stressful.  I’d recommend making sure you have a flashlight in the car, flares, etc. Thank goodness we didn’t have to use any of that. 

Another thing we discovered later on in the trip is that other people that we met on an excursion, also booked through travel by Jen, were offered a hotspot wifi device from the rental car agency for only $5 per day (this ensures internet availability anywhere you are).  This would have been great to have!  I assume we weren’t given that option because either the person forgot, or they ran out of devices (they were all in use).  We would have loved having it and I would recommend anyone traveling to Costa Rica to get one because many hotels, restaurants etc don’t have great internet service and sometimes none at all (especially while driving)!

NOTE: I have T-mobile but the other tourist in our shuttle had ATT and said he had no internet. So make sure to call your provider before the trip to make sure you have an international plan!  Also alert your credit card company of your dates of travel so that they don't block your card because it seems like fraudulent charges.

HOTEL 1 Linda Vista Del Norte

The first hotel that we stayed at was quite a trek from the airport.  Although it was only ~87 miles, after getting out of the city and into the country, the windy mountain roads were rather treacherous to drive as described above. Since some areas had to be navigated rather slowly and cautiously (30 mph), the drive took much longer than anticipated.

The hotel was lovely. The view from our room, balcony, restaurant, and pool of the lake and dormant volcano (Arenal) was phenomenal and overall we really enjoyed our stay there. The infinity pool was picturesque; the complimentary breakfast was delicious and filling: fruit, 2 eggs, toast, rice/beans, plantains, coffee/tea or juice.  The staff was friendly and helpful. 

There were a few items that I would just mention as a heads-up to travelers. Although being immersed in nature, I was fully expecting to dealing with a lot of bugs while on excursions, and we came prepared with a natural bug spray and 4 insect repellant bracelets, we were a bit (no pun intended) taken by surprise to find critters inside our hotel room.  Apparently, many hotels in CR do not have screens so if you open a window or balcony door you might be inviting unwanted guests. So when we got to our room at about 7pm and were greeted by a pink lizard, my daughter was less than happy about it.  We heard crickets and other nature sounds. There were some bugs such as spiders and other things in our room.  I had a sealed zip lock bag with cookies that I brought for my daughter, and overnight some tiny water ants found their way inside the bag. 

The first night, my daughter wore a short sleeve shirt to bed and left her arm above the covers. In the morning we noticed that her arm was full of at least 5 red bug bites. Luckily they did not swell or welt up.  In hindsight, I should have brought my topical benadryl stick.  If you are prone to allergic reactions and have an epi-pen I would recommend bringing it because we were in remote places, very far from a hospital or even a drug store.  Things are not open 24 hours and medical attention may not be as easily accessible as we are accustomed to in the states.  So it’s best to be prepared with a small first aid kit. We did bring Neosporin and bandaids and other items.

Although the hotel was lovely, it’s only rated 3 stars because of the lack of amenities.  For example, our room did not have a refrigerator.  We also didn’t have many other standard amenities such as a(n alarm) clock, phone, blow drier, etc.  There was no bible in the dresser, not that I missed it. The absence of a phone was a real bummer because every time we needed to speak with the receptionist we had to leave our building and walk over to another building and since it rains a lot there (even though we came after rainy season was supposed to have ended) it meant getting wet (they did not provide an umbrella), so not being able to pick up a phone and ask for towels or other things was a little inconvenient. This area has a lot of low clouds and precipitation.  There are also rain forest regions in the country.  Bring an umbrella.  I should have packed rain ponchos!

The room itself was very nice.  The bathrooms were newly remodeled, modern and pretty.  They did provide some nice toiletries.

Even though we were in a remote area, there were some restaurants that delivered food which we were very grateful for.  The hotel restaurant was only open for breakfast, unfortunately.   

Note the haziness

COVID MEASURES

I do want to mention that at the hotel, restaurants and virtually everywhere we went, masks were required, social distancing was practiced and we had our temperature taken and we were asked to either wash our hand or sanitize upon entrance.  They took the matter very seriously for both locals and tourists. They had mask signs (reminders) and Plexiglas everywhere, just like in America.

Because of covid, there was no daily room service.  Meaning, they did not enter our habitation to make the beds, take the trash or clean up.  I put the trash bags outside our door and they magically disappeared.  I had to get fresh towels when we needed them.  Another minor adjustment.

SLOTH TOUR

Those adorable super slow creatures are abundant in CR!  I was grateful that my travel company set us up with an authentic guide who took us to a nearby forest to see these cool creatures in their natural habitat.  He was very educational and told us that the sloth parks kidnap the sloths and bring them to these zoo-like parks away from their natural habitat and since they eat from 5 different trees, they might not get all of the variety of nutrients that they need in their new environment and suffer health consequences because of it.  So I was happy to support this local nature guide who took us on a little nature hike where we also saw many varieties of colorful birds, a monkey, and ants in action. 

At first I was a little concerned about the tour company because they called my hotel the night before and changed our meeting location last minute.  Then the receptionist tried calling him back for me and the number didn’t work.  When we met him, he had an unmarked personal car and no uniform.  We drove behind him and followed his car with him and his wife to the trail. She dropped him off and the other 2 guys on the tour took him back to the drop off location after the excursion was over.  So the fact that things were changing and not official/professional looking seemed a bit concerning at first—being in a developing country and not knowing where this guy was taking us seemed a bit strange and off putting in the beginning, but it was ultimately very nice, albeit not what we were used to.  I don’t think I would have trusted it had it not been set up by the travel agency, but in the end I was glad we did his excursion because it was more authentic.  We saw 2 sloths but they were high in trees so it was hard to get a good photo. 

ZIP-LINING & RAPPELLING

The meeting point was listed as a hotel but the excursion office was actually located across the street at Go Adventure near the mini-market.  The excursion company was fantastic.  The staff was wonderful and the trips were very fun and very well done.  We did 10 zip lines and the view was beautiful.  We saw monkeys in the trees near us and sheep in the distance.  Afterwards the rappel was from 50 meters by a river.  After that, we had a nice cultural crash course from the native indigenous Maleku people. It was brief but covered a lot of grounds including the huts they live in, their unique language, how they stoke the indoor fire to keep bugs out of their homes, the clothing made from tree bark, their use of analgesic plant medicine, their art work and handmade drums and use of masks with animals painted on to represent various things.  We got to sample a refreshing drink they made from corn, sugar cane, and pineapple. It was a very well-rounded experience and we rode in an open safari type of vehicle with 2 long benches that was being pulled by a tractor.  On our drive we spotted a large black snake.  There is no shortage of wildlife in CR!

On this excursion there were 2 other groups of 2 (6 people total not counting the crew).

I highly recommend this tour company and both excursions we did with them (see below)!  They also offer many other options such as horse back riding, ATV and river rafting. 

 

GIVING BACK

Upon my return to the USA, I donated online to a local orphanage.

Grateful to the tour company for the suggestion! https://orphanagelafortunacr.com/

TUBING TOUR

Go Adventure was also contracted for this fun experience.  We were on the river for about 45 minutes or so.  The water was pretty shallow, you could definitely stand in it without a problem and we were each in our own tube. My daughter and I and a group of 6 from Maine were the only people on the tour.  We wore masks whenever we were not in the water. Also the open air vehicle was very spacious so we weren’t really near anyone.

They had at least 5 crew members there for us: receptionist, driver, 2 guides, photographer.  We made sure to show them our appreciation and gratitude. 

This tour also included a little presentation by the Maleku man and another woman this time.  It is presumed that some people don’t do more than 1 tour with this excursion company so they get to have this cool cultural experience. 

The tour company had their own photographer on the excursions and a photo package for your group was only $20.  He also took short videos and mailed us a link within 24 hours to download our memories.  This was a great deal and we made sure to tip him for the wonderful service!

 COMMUTING

Our stay was divided into 2 parts.  The first part was near La Fortuna in the North by the Arenal volcano and lake and the second half was in Manuel Antonio, in the South by the beach, for two completely different but magnificent vibes!  The drive from the first hotel to the second hotel took around 5 hours and because we doubled up on excursions on Sunday (because we did nothing but rest and relax on Saturday) it means that we left later in the afternoon and since sunset was around 5:30pm, once again we had to drive in the dark streets. This time however, we did all the mountain-side driving in the daylight (thank goodness) and the flat, coastal driving was at night.  It’s a shame we didn’t get to see the beautiful ocean view because it was so dark but we had to make sacrifices in order to observe the Sabbath and I didn’t want to miss out on doing fun activities, so this was our compromise and my choice.  I am happy with the way that everything worked out.  I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

We did have to drive 3 hours to the airport on our way back home but the drive was pretty easy compared to the other 2 drives which had high elevations and colorful terrain shall we call it.  LOL.

HOTEL 2 Si Como No Wildlife Refuge Resort

This hotel was absolutely fabulous and had all the trimmings (I was very glad that we came here second and not first)! The room was huge. I’d call it a suite. We had a wonderful view of the ocean from our room and balcony.  We got lucky and our room was adjacent to the lobby and by our car, a really great and convenient location.  The room had a phone, laundry service, ironing board (not that I iron), refrigerator, and even a sturdy umbrella!  Their restaurant was open for all meals and even did room service (for the food). The shower had a lovely underwater scene stained glass window.  The bathroom window had a screen! The room service was daily and we enjoyed the pampering of having our beds made, complete with towel sculptures—such a nice touch!

There is a complimentary butterfly garden across the street (which unfortunately looked very depleted, like some tourists may have stolen the exhibits inside the museum).  Getting there involved a nice little nature hike (just a few minutes).

They have a movie theater where we saw a private screening of the movie of our choice, Mulan. 

The complimentary breakfast options were like gourmet dining paired with fresh exotic juices and again a gorgeous view.  5 white-faced monkeys came to the open balcony style restaurant while we were eating breakfast on our first morning there and provided a show for us.  One of them stole the container full of sugar packets and was eating them over our heads on the glass roof.  These playful sugar addicted thieves were like celebrities and we watched them make their escape, jumping into the nearby trees and disappearing into the thick of the wilderness.  It was delightful and unforgettable!  LOL.  What a thrill. 

The hotel had an adult and a kid’s swimming pool.  The kid’s pool had a really fun and very fast slide which both of us loved (really fun), little waterfall and shallow area for little kids as well as stools that connected to the bar of the restaurant so you could order from the bar while sitting in the pool, which we did! I ordered a virgin strawberry daiquiri for my daughter which she really liked.  In general, we had really good food during the entire trip.  The bartender spoiled us with strawberry infused water while we were at the pool.  I think because the number of travelers is so low due to the pandemic, they made an extra effort to be even more attentive to us because they rely on tips to supplement their income. I was very mindful of this, more than ever, and made an effort to be more generous than usual. So make sure to put tips in your travel budget!

Unfortunately neither of the two jacuzzis were in service.  But I LOVED the music that they played at the pool bar, all my favorite salsa, bachata, and merengue and the bartender/DJ even took my request. LOL. When we were at the pool, there was only 1 other family there with 2 girls so it was pretty quiet and we saw an iguana tanning on the sun deck. I highly recommend this resort!

WEATHER

The weather in Manuel Antonio (location of the second hotel) was sunny and pleasant, whereas, during the first part of our trip (and I think it is characteristic of the location we were in) it was more overcast, on/off light rain and not as much sun and clear skies as the second part of our trip.  In fact, you could rarely see the peak of the volcano because it was usually covered by clouds.  It was just an interesting contrast to observe the weather differences in the 2 locations.  Definitely bring a light raincoat or umbrella if you go.  I had a long sleeve zipper up rash guard type of top that I ended up making good use out of.  Also having light long sleeves is good to limit skin exposure for bug bites.  

OTHER NEARBY ATTRACTIONS

There was a zip-line (roller) coaster very close to our hotel for only $12 that looked very fun with an option to sit or be suspended in a standing position for the ride, but unfortunately it was closed (probably due to the pandemic). We would’ve done it otherwise.

El Avion (Airplane restaurant) located inside Hotel Casa Verde is a must see.  We were actually supposed to stay at this hotel but we upgraded to our hotel.  This restaurant has a lovely view of the Pacific Ocean but the really unique thing about it is that you can eat inside Ollie North’s Iran Contra C-123 which is a huge airplane.  It’s very cool and the hotel grounds are quite special. Highly recommended!

Ronny’s Place is a restaurant located off of the beaten path (almost hidden) and we never would have known about it had it not been recommended to us by our friendly local tour guide!  It was a beautiful place to catch the sunset and dinner.  They served me a pina colada inside a gutted pineapple which was as delicious as it was beautiful.  Good thing a lady at a nearby table had one or I likely would not have ordered it!  This is the place that I mentioned we had to drive off road (on little rocks) to get to.  Highly recommended!

Perfection
 

KAYAK TOUR

Iguana tours offers an early morning or early evening mangrove tour (depending on high tide times).  Since I am not a morning person (except when on vacation LOL) I opted for the late tour, not realizing that it would be pitch dark!  This outfitter picked us up from our hotel, unlike the others that we drove to the meeting location or office.  During the dark drive, I was having second thoughts and wanted to cancel the tour because I was a little scared!  Good thing I conquered my fear and went through with it because it was amazing and magical! 

When we got to the launching site, I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the blissfully intoxicating aroma of the Ylang Ylang trees.  This was a familiar smell to me because in my childhood home, we had a gardenia bush and the flowers smell very similar (unlike the ylang ylang essential oil smell which I don’t really care for).  The smell was calming and just heavenly.  They gave us some nice local refreshments before we launched (drinks, fruit, cookies) and then we received a life vest and our equipment.

It was just the guide, my daughter and I so we got lots of personalized attention.  Our guide took pictures on his phone and sent them to us right afterwards.  He was very nice and friendly and taught us about the area we were in and the wildlife found there.  We wore flashlights that strapped to our heads so we could spot birds, bats, frogs, a snake, raccoons, an iguana, crabs, and of course lots of bugs as we glided effortlessly over the waters.  One of the most beautiful things was the countless stars that were so bright on this clear night that we could even see a few constellations, and I’m not even good with constellations.  We also got an additional unexpected surprise that our tour included dinner afterwards.  Yay!  LOL. They wanted to give us chicken but because we keep kosher, I asked for a vegetarian meal so they gave us salad, rice/beans, plantains and cooked veggies.  It was very good and much appreciated.

CATAMARAN TOUR --> BOATING MANGROVE NATURE TOUR

My daughter and I were the only ones signed up for the catamaran tour and because fuel is expensive, they had to cancel it.  They were very accommodating, however, and we ended up taking a boat tour in the bay (instead of the ocean) on a smaller vessel with a captain and a nature guide.  This private tour also included snacks and breakfast.  We had a lovely time and were able to cover much more grounds than in the kayak since we were in a motorized boat.  We spotted lots of different wildlife including anteaters, flying fish, birds, iguana, monkeys and more.

TABACON

This was the only excursion that I booked directly myself and we did not utilize the travel agency to secure.  I had been there in 2006 when I worked on a cruise ship, and I was excited to bring my daughter there.  It was actually the thing I was most looking forward to on this trip and it was the biggest disappointment.  I booked it in advance to secure our tickets. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, we could not come on the scheduled day and I wanted to reschedule for another day.  When I arrived the following day, they would not honor our tickets.  The prices are astronomical.  They charged me $170 for 2 people with a meal and would not refund or reschedule.  I was so upset by this matter that I am currently disputing it with my credit card company.  It’s not like they were at capacity.  They could accommodate 30 people and we toured the property and saw only 3 people in the hot springs!  There were only 2 other groups of 2 or 3 people walking around the grounds and only one couple eating in the very large restaurant.  They could have easily granted us access but they denied us entry and asked me to pay again!  This is unconscionable. I know these are hard times but it doesn’t give you the right to rip people off.  There are plenty of other hot springs in the area, and even a FREE hot spring down the road (walking distance).  Had I not paid in advance, I could have just paid to enter when I got there and not lost my money.  As of the time I am writing this blog, 3 weeks after our trip, I am waiting to hear back from my credit card company as to the outcome of the dispute.  I did not cancel my reservation, I only needed to change the date and they did not say anything about rescheduling in their cancellation policy.  I would highly recommend boycotting this place at all costs!  The customer service was deplorable!

 The volcano Arenal is behind the clouds

 SUMMARY

Overall everything about our trip was well coordinated, well planned, and beautifully executed from start to finish.  The only bad experience we had was not through the tour agency.  All the staff were friendly and we had a really great time! Thank you to everyone involved in the experience!

PURA VIDA!!!

The Hidden Blessings of Social Distancing

We are certainly living in interesting times, aren't we?

Let's talk about how to cope with all the things happening today.

Many countries around the world including Italy, China, Peru and others have been on lock down (quarantine) for 2-4 weeks in order to prevent the spread of the Corona Virus and it is likely that we will be next. This practice has been successful in stopping the spread of CV. The only places people are allowed to go during lock down are supermarkets, gas stations, and the pharmacy.

Until then, since most of us are still working and in public places, we must strengthen our immune system. 1,000 mg of Vitamin C taken 3 times per day between meals is great to boost the immune system. Other things to boost the immune system include: zinc 30 mg per day, garlic (1 clove per day), fresh grated ginger, raw onions, mushroom extracts, fresh fruits, berries, nuts and vegetables, bone broth etc. It is important to get good sleep, fresh air, and 15 minutes of direct sunlight without sunscreen for the natural vitamin D synthesis in the skin which had been used to treat other viral epidemics in the past.

In times of crisis we see humanity at its best and at its worse. While some people do things such as looting during a riot, others step up and donate resources, time, and services. Nike and other retailers are giving their employees paid leave to prevent or curtail the spread of the virus. And some NBA players are donating money to pay for arena staff who will be out of work for at least 1 month due to arena closures. These types of stories, where people and businesses are going above and beyond their call of duty, are something to inspire and uplift us amid such uncertain and potentially stressful times.

What to do if you are stuck at home? Use this time as an opportunity for growth, self improvement, and relationship bolstering. Here are some ideas:

1. Share a healthy meal with a family member. Many of us skip meals, eat on the run, or just don't have organized eating habits. This is the time to slow down and eat consciously and deliberately and together. Since grocery stores are still open (perhaps with limited hours), you can still find a lot of the ingredients for various recipes, and if not you can improvise! A delicious breakfast I ate with my daughter who is homeschooling today is an acai bowl. I use a basic recipe and make substitutions such as almond milk instead of apple juice and I add a scoop of plain protein powder to offset all the fructose (natural sugar). This is not something we can usually do on a weekday (it's more of a Sunday treat) so we can cherish the chance to break out of the normal routine and make the morning special with a delicious and nutritious meal. A healthy meal is a great line of defense and spending quality time with a loved one is priceless. Maybe add a gratitude prayer before and/or after the meal. Use the extra time to explore a few new recipes for dishes you haven't made yet but would like to try.

2. Exercise. The gyms might be closed but don't let that stunt your creativity! Get your favorite playlist and have a dance party, dust off that old cardio equipment or workout DVDs that you never use and get your money's worth. There are a plethora of free yoga, qi gong, tai chi, belly dancing and other exercise videos on youtube that you can watch and do in your living room. You can do jumping jacks, burpees, sit ups, plank, squats, lunges, push ups and much more without needing much space at all.

3. Meditation and/or prayer or journaling. This is a great time to introspect. Give another meaning to "going inside." Ask yourself important questions about your goals and dreams and plans and be still and welcome the answers that come to you. There are so many things we put on the back burner because we "don't have time." Guess what, now we have time! What a blessing! Time is the most precious commodity of them all. Let's utilize it positively and create healthy habits to take beyond the lock down! Start a gratitude journal and count all your daily blessings.

4. Household projects. Here is an opportunity to clear your clutter. Organize your closets, shelves, drawers, basement, attic, yard/garden. Our space is important for the way we function. Getting rid of things that we no longer use or need is very liberating on many levels. Looking around at an organized and clean home is a wonderful feeling.

5. Personal Growth. We have access to so many wonderful educational tools. Read books, watch Ted Talks on any subject that interests you, watch (Netflix) documentaries such as What the Health, The Game Changers, Forks over Knives, Super size me, The business of cancer, The business of being born, vaccine-nation, and others. There are audible books, study the bible or review other texts to improve your job performance.

6. Crafts. You may have a special skill that you don't have time to cultivate such as painting, piano, sewing, poetry or creating a photo album book of your favorite digital photos. This is a time to pick up creative projects and perhaps even discover a hidden talent. You can create a vision board, draw, sing, write a short story.

7. Plan ahead. You can do research for a blog article, make changes to your website, come up with a new advertisement or campaign for work. Many events (industrial and social) had to be canceled because of the social distancing recommendations. Start looking into replacement or substitute events, races, and gatherings.

8. Self care. Light a candle and take a hot bath with epsom salts, baking soda and your favorite essential oils. An oatmeal bath can be quite luxurious too (1 cup in pantyhose with a knot) . Cleanse, exfoliate, and moisturize your skin and use your favorite facial mask. Listen to relaxation music, binaural beats, or a guided meditation. Take care of your nails and your hair. Exchange massages with a family member. Enjoy aroma therapy in the form of an essential oil diffuser, incense, or scented candles. Use a Himalayan rock salt lamp for the benefits of the negative ions. Remember self care is not selfish. Self care is self preservation. When we are calm and peaceful we can make better decisions and enjoy life more. It benefits us and those we love.

9. Think positive thoughts. We are bombarded by negative messages in the media so we need to be mindful about what we are ingesting mentally. Positive affirmations such as, "this too shall pass" or "one day at a time" can help us to get through challenging times by staying present and positive and not letting ourselves become overwhelmed by all the potentially anxiety-provoking things happening around us.

10. Stay hydrated. Drink lots of alkaline or spring water or herbal tea. Dehydration makes us susceptible to illness and fatigue. Drinking 8 glasses of 16 ounces will help our bodies to flush out impurities, and keep us healthy. Cold infusions with berries, oranges, lemon, mint, ginger, or cucumbers can be very refreshing and provide added benefits.

11. Play games with family members. Such as xbox/nintendo/PS4/wii, cards, charades, board games, hangman, connect four and more. Or watch a movie/show together. Spending time with family members is a luxury we often miss out on even though we may live under the same roof. Having a game night or special family time can be a nice way to improve relationships.

12. Breathe. One of the best ways to change your mood, attitude, or state of mind is to change your breath. There are many different breath meditations in yoga involving, for example, breathing in one nostril and exhaling out the other one to relax the body and mind and promote wellbeing. There are also various counting breath-work techniques such as the 4-7-8 breathing technique, also known as “relaxing breath.” It involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds. This breathing pattern aims to reduce anxiety or help people get to sleep. Experiment and explore with different breathing meditations and find one that resonates with you. Breath classes can be transformational. Most of us do not realize that we are breathing shallow in our chest due to stress and not fully engaging our diaphragm and expanding our rib-cage with deep abdominal breathing.

13. Laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. There is actually a case of someone who laughed his cancer into remission. Watch some stand up on Amazon Prime, rent a funny movie, don’t take things so seriously. Yes we need to be careful and cautious but we also need to enjoy our lives and have fun!

In summary, we need to get back to the basics in order not only to maintain and preserve our health and sanity, but these same preservational activities and exercises for epidemic crisis survival are also paramount to our ability to thrive in life without any looming threats to our existence. If distancing ourselves from others means getting more in touch with ourselves, maybe it’s not such a bad thing after-all! It is my hope that we step back, reflect, and inject our lives with new found zest and meaning and purpose and energy to do great things. We were created for greatness. Now is our time to stop, look, and remember what we are here for!

Many blessings of complete health, wellness, and vitality.

Yours,

Ahuva Gamliel

Redefining Success

Today I read an article that claimed that happy people are more likely to succeed because they put in more effort and have more confidence.  This is interesting and it certainly follows the law of attraction but doesn't it sound like a bunch of confounding variables? Did they succeed because they were happy or was it actually the effort and the confidence that made them succeed? Being happy regardless of circumstances is in itself a tremendous success and accomplishment.  I would argue, however, that it was the other factors and not the positive mental attitude--although I am a big proponent of positivity, not just for financial success but for health and wellbeing too. No one likes a negative Nancy and there are so many benefits from being happy and positive.  But happiness alone cannot determine whether a person will be successful or not.

There are certain habits, rituals or practices that anyone can do (happy or not) that do seem to foster and engender the cultivation (or possibility) of success and this link has some solid insights, suggestions and observations that I believe are worthwhile to adopt. But there are no guarantees in life.

Napolean Hill was onto something big when he said, "Think and Grow Rich"  There is much truth to that and yet I feel that there is much more at play.  What about fate and destiny and luck or karma?  Could these factors be involved in determining success?  We all know of starving talented artists, comedians, singers etc who have the skills to be on the big screen making millions but they remain undiscovered waitresses and bartenders and computer technicians singing karaoke and playing in front of small audiences in dive coffee shops.  Why?  They have the confidence to perform and share their gifts, they have agents, but they didn't get the big opportunity to shine.  Does that make them unsuccessful?  Are you only successful if you are famous or make lots of money?  Or does small scale success count?

Can't sad or angry people also use their negative emotions to fuel their success, drive them to work hard and achieve their goals?  I would argue that any emotion can be used as passion and fuel to achieve success if it motivates a person to pursue their passion.  The key factor is the ACTIONS that the person makes despite of their feeling happy, sad or mad.

Let's look at the real world.  Some of the greatest artists, politicians, inventors, and business men in the world were frustrated, depressed and/or mentally ill.  This article lists 50 famous people who were/are depressed and achieved tremendous accolades in their respective fields.  Many achieved unparalleled fame, fortune and productivity.  Clearly depression can be debilitating and life-threatening for some but it does not stop other people from fulfilling their dreams and aspirations.

Would country music or the Blues exist without sadness?  People have made fortunes on those careers.  What about Van Gough who chopped his own ear off.  Or Mike Tyson who bit a man's ear off, and Woody Allen who could talk your ear off?  Was it happiness or something else that was responsible for their achievements?

How about successful angry people?  Would Heavy Metal music exist without anger?  Would Eminem be famous if it weren't for expressing his rage in rap music?  Would Alanis Moressette even have a career in music if it weren't for the frustration and anger she channeled in her songs that many people could relate to?  What about boxers and other athletes who use their anger (towards bad parents, upbringing, lack, and life) to power their athletic prowess? All emotions serve a purpose and when people are authentic with their feelings, other people can relate to that and that is powerful, inspiring, moving, unifying, and reassuring.  People seek connection and they find it through music and art and sports.  They want to feel like they are not alone with their struggles and challenges in life. 

So what do successful depressed, angry and happy people have in common?  I would say that these people all used their strong and powerful emotions to drive them forward in life.  But emotions are not enough.  It has to be coupled with action, effort, confidence, drive, and determination.  All these people had a huge desire to express, share, or transform what it was inside of them into whatever their vision was.  Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins were driven by the poverty of their upbringing to create a better future for themselves.  In my humble opinion, you don't have to be happy to be successful, you have to desire success, envision success, and create success.  This can be done in any emotive state.

Robin Williams, Michael Jackson, and many other superstar celebrities were depressed and society would define them as having had successful careers. But did they succeed in the game of life?  Were they successful in God's eyes?  What does the fame and fortune mean if you can't be around to enjoy it? 

So this brings me to another interesting discussion... WHAT IS SUCCESS?  How do we define it or measure it?

Most of us equate success with money.  If you are rich, you are successful.  Steve Jobs was a successful business man but was he a successful person?  Did he win in life?  The articles that I read about him online said that he was a horrible person and employer and father.  He denied his own children paternity!  He embarrassed and humiliated his employees in interviews and treated people like garbage.  Is this what we consider success?

There are articles online that explain why rich people are jerks and that having money brings out the worst in people. So is having money and being a despicable person the measure of success?  What about poor teachers and preachers or house wives who raise good ethical children who are generous with their time and helping others?  Are they not successful because they don't have money or fame?
What about the rich lawyer who made his fortune by twisting facts in court and letting rapists, murders and child abusers off the hook to become repeat offenders?  Is he successful?  What about the real estate tycoon who made his fortune stepping on others, committing adultery and having an attitude of entitlement and superiority, vanity and arrogance.  Do you crave his success and all that comes with it?  It is a package deal after all.

We live in a world of illusion and mixed up values. We live in a society that defines success as having lots of money and a lavish lifestyle of excess, fortune and fame.  We all want it despite that we have already seen what it could do to us.  Many people sell their souls to the devil to get these things.  They lie, cheat, steal, do drugs, prostitution and other evil things for the Almighty dollar and to impress others.

I would argue that raising good quality human beings with strong morals and ethics and values is a greater accomplishment than making lots of money.  I used to be down on myself for not being where I imagined I would be financially at this age.  That's because for a long time I equated success with making money and acquiring wealth.  But I see that money can't buy happiness and there are somethings in life that are more valuable than paper.

An empathic patient of mine helped me to shift my perspective many years ago.  He sensed that I was down and he asked me about it.  I told him I was sad because I was not yet "successful."  He said that I helped a lot of people to improve their health and wellbeing and had a positive impact on their lives and that I was already successful because of that.  I never thought of it that way but I liked his perspective (positive reframe) and it helped me to not be so hard on myself for not achieving my financial goals.  I did put in all the effort and devotion and hard work that I had to my practice but it wasn't enough and despite my good intentions and vision and plans it seems like maybe it wasn't Gods Will.  Could there be another explanation?  Maybe there was a lesson in humility and acceptance and gratitude in having a modest income and being content with it. I had so many expectations about education and prosperity that didn't turn out to be true.  I was miseducated and misinformed about how to make money because I did all the right things but I still wasn't getting "there."

So I would say that happiness isn't enough and maybe isn't even even truly necessary at all.  Many people succeeded with anger and sadness.  There's so many factors and facets to success.  I have come to redefine success.  Success isn't money and money isn't success.  I think someone who is happy with what they have is successful.  We all know rich miserable people and I don't think they are winning in life.

I think winning in life is learning, growing, sharing, giving, serving, helping, connecting, smiling, living (not existing) and following your heart wherever it takes you, whether fortune and fame is in your cards or not, you can be successful at any level as long as you are authentic, true to yourself, and act with integrity.  Money doesn't define people.  Success should be measured in smiles not dollars.  How many people can you make smile today?  How many people will be better off for having known or met you?

The little old lady who rescues animals is successful.
Foster parents who love and take care of abused and neglected children are successful.
Preachers in poor neighborhoods who make people feel closer to God are successful.
Social workers who struggle with bills while helping people get on their feet are successful.
The school psychologist who instill confidence in bullied children is successful.
The firefighter who saves lives and who rents his apartment and has an old car is successful.
The substitute teacher who makes students love learning is successful.
The lawyer who takes pro bono cases fighting for justice but hasn't paid off his student loans is successful.
The medical assistant who instills hope in patients and has defaulted on her mortgage is successful.
The clown who brought joy at your kid's birthday party who lives with his mom is successful.
The man who lives in his parents basement pursuing his dream to be a musician is successful.
The special education teacher, the senior care provider and all the others who provide services with love and care and genuineness are not wealthy but they are successful.

None of the people in the list above drive fancy cars, live in big homes, make lots of money or get any kind of recognition.  But they are all making a difference in this world.  And THAT is how I chose to define success.

From Fat to Fit --Living Your Best Life!

                Fitness = Exercise + Nutrition

Bodies at rest tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. It's the laws of inertia and thermodynamics. So be your own force and get your body moving!

As many as 50 million Americans are living sedentary lives, putting them at increased risk of health problems and even early death, a leading expert in exercise science told the American Psychological Association today.

Given that these individuals are doubling their risk of developing numerous health conditions compared with those who are even moderately active and fit, we’re looking at a major public health problem.

The truth is that although exercise is VERY important, they say that six pack abs are made in the kitchen and it's true. A lean physique is 80% nutrition!

There is no need to reinvent the wheel, just look at what successful people do! Dwayne Johnson is 46 years young and has a superb physique so let's take him as an example.  His full regimen is here.

When he is in beast mode, his diet consists of:
oatmeal, egg whites, steak, chicken, halibut, cod, white rice, broccoli, asparagus, baked potato, salad and protein powder. *

He also takes vitamins and supplements such as glucosamine to protect his joints

What he does NOT consume:
bread, pasta, pizza, pastries, (any gluten), cereal, hot dogs, hamburgers, wings, potato chips, fried food, dairy, Starbucks, fast food, alcohol etc.

Note that he LOVES pizza and brownies and pancakes so when he is done training for events or movies he goes an a major BINGE and overcompensates for the time lost, which I do not advocate. Instead, I recommend (unless you are training for a competition) to have 1 cheat meal per week where you have something you like such as a pasta dish and dessert that you miss or a breakfast that you love. I recommend quinoa pasta, or black bean pasta (from Trader Joe's). It has a higher protein content and no refined white carbs. I recommend trying to avoid swinging from one extreme to another so that one does not go from fit to obese like a yo-yo. This happens in the body building world.

The thing about extreme dieting is that you can feel deprived and cranky/moody when you don't eat what you are used to eating. There's a lot to say about the focus, will power and self-control that people who undertake these kinds of regimen's accomplish and how they transcend their desires and become a master over their bodies. I know of some people on very high spiritual levels who are able to conquer and negate physical temptations and bodily pleasure to the point that it does not exist at all for them but that's a rare breed and not where most of us are holding.

In general I feel that if you eat 80% healthy, it's good enough but there is always room for improvement. I'm going to start the new year with a 90 day modified Dwayne plan (will add salmon and lamb for example as a protein source and kale as a green source) and see what happens. Who's with me?

Don't be part of the 35% of sedentary Americans. Make it a lean 2019!

www.groovyhoovy.com

Your Imperfections Are Perfect!

I can give you at least 2 reasons to be happy with what you already have.

Reason 1 It doesn't always work out as you planned. Transformation in the wrong direction...

Reason 2 From beauty to beast, bigger isn't better.  Your face isn't Texas. 

You can find dozens more reasons online.  Stop trying to fix your face, it's already perfect as it is.  Unless you were born with a cleft palate or developed skin cancer or some kind of dermatological condition that needs to be fixed, please don't go messing with your face to try to improve what you were given. You really are enough and you really have enough natural beauty.  Believe it and bring it out by working on your confidence and self worth.

People like Michael Jackson and Joan Rivers had so many procedures, it killed them in the end.  Too much unnecessary medical intervention is deadly!  A doctor with morals, values and a conscious would not be performing botox and other procedures on a 19 year old beautiful girl for example.  What this girl is missing is self-esteem, not collagen.  Her fixing her face is a form of self-hatred and rejecting who she is and wanting to change her outside when what really needs to change is her inside (thoughts, attitude, beliefs, confidence etc).

And isn't it ironic that people do things to make them more attractive and it actually makes them MUCH less attractive?  Elective procedures make people's features look exaggerated, unhuman, unnatural and even grotesque.  

Like in everything in life, we must assess the risk or the cost to benefit ratio before proceeding.  In this article, the ethical anesthetist gives links to many cases of people who died from elective procedures. 

"As an anaesthetist I assess sick patients booked for surgery to treat disease. Sometimes after open discussions between the patient, surgeon and myself we decide that the risks of operation exceed the benefits. This decision, that their quality of life is greater through avoiding surgery, is never made easily.

There is no medical benefit to cosmetic procedures and there is significant risk of immediate and long term harm. Any perceived psychological benefits are influenced by the heavy advertising people are subjected to. Societal pressure impairs people’s ability to accept their own natural beauty."

If you would have told someone in the 1940s (during the Polio epidemic) that people would be purposely having their facial muscles paralyzed in the future, they would think you were crazy.  I think we, as a society, are really acting crazy.  Risking death to fill already beautiful people with plastic parts (silicon, saline etc) is indeed crazy.  It shows that we value a perceived "perfection" over life itself.  It shows that we care more about how we look than anything else.   It shows that we reject our imperfections, both our inner and outer flaws.  It shows that we don't believe G-d knew what he was doing.  It shows that we are not happy with ourselves.  It shows that we can't accept ourselves or others the way that we/they are.  Isn't this a pity?  Isn't it tragic?  How did we become such vain beings?  

Being human, by definition means having flaws.  All kinds of flaws.  We are perfectly imperfect beings.  We can accept, embrace and acknowledge that without thinking any less of ourselves!  It's okay, you have permission to have expression lines, scars, stretch marks, freckles, small breasts, a big nose... it's ALL GOOD, It's all from G-d!

I will never understand why people elect to inject Botulism organism a (botox) in their forehead which is so close to their brains and think that there could be no long term detrimental consequences. Who would have thought self induced facial paralysis would be a thing?

I had a 19 year old patient in drug rehab who already started with botox. This person needs to work on self-esteem issues and not on fixing problems that don't exist. Perhaps obsessing over her image is her way of evading her negative emotions.

I think people should work on fixing their inner flaws instead of being fixated on their outer appearance. If you don't want to leave your face alone, at least try something benign such as facial acupuncture, it has similar effects with side benefits such as better health and vitality and does not involve shooting toxins into your face.

People don't realize the risks involved in these common procedures.  There is evidence that botox does alter the brain and the implications are not yet fully understood.

Today I took a fitness class in Aventura, FL (an affluent neighborhood). One of the ladies in the class was obviously older with a noticeably stretched out face. It is so obvious that she had work done. Who do people think they are fooling? No one thinks she looks 10 or 20 years younger than her actual age. Her age is plainly visible even though the lines are gone. The only fool she is fooling is herself.

I know this is mean but I'm going to say it anyway. Botox does not fix ugly. You do not become a more beautiful version of yourself because you got rid of your wrinkles. You still look like yourself. You cannot become beautiful by erasing some expression lines. All you did was erase your expressions but we can still see your neck for example and all the original facial features. 

Aging is something that we should embrace. Not everyone gets to age, it is a gift given to the lucky. We should accept it and welcome it with grace and humility instead of fighting it and resisting it as if it makes us somehow better or more worthy of being loved. 

Everyone should feel beautiful and confident about themselves but that shouldn't entail feeling the need to inject your face with a toxin. We don't know the long term effects of botulism on the brain. What if in 20 years from now it was pulled off the market like many drugs have been and deemed unsafe? I wouldn't want to be that Guinea pig with regrets.

For natural facial rejuvenation I recommend facial lymphatic drainage massage which you can do on yourself using YouTube tutorials, galvanic micro-current wand (you can buy online), using a cleanser, applying hyaluronic acid containing serums, dead sea mask, periodic facials, drinking lots of water, eating a clean nutritious diet, good sleep, meditation and stress reduction. Your attitude and outlook on life is reflected on your face.

Please don't give in to the high pressures of your peers and society to do unnecessary elective procedures. Vanity isn't worth permanent brain damage or worse!

You are already beautiful just the way you are!

www.groovyhoovy.com

Quantity VS Quality

There are so many weight loss myths out there. I shared an uber with a personal trainer not long ago and I told her that I want to lose 10 lbs. She said I needed to eat MORE and she is RIGHT! When I did the body building competition I had to eat every 3 hours. I was consuming more calories and I was leaner. This is counter-intuitive: eat more*, weigh less. How is this possible? Because the calorie counting model that nutritionists teach is outdated and wrong. It's not about calories, it's about boosting metabolism (the rate your body BURNS calories). Also, not all calories are created equally. Refined white sugar carbs won't get rid of stubborn fat but a diet rich in green vegetable carbs and lean protein can. If you eat lean, clean and green, without skipping meals, drink plenty of water and exercise 5 days per week for an hour, you should be in good shape. If not, you need to research your body type (and maybe even blood type) and do some fine tuning according to your genetic constitution. Taking emotional inventory is also important to make sure food consumption is not being used as an emotional crutch.

*According to data from the Harvard Health Newsletter, after walking two 15-minute miles and weightlifting for 30 minutes, a 125-pound person burns only 210 calories and a 185-pound person burns 333 calories. So as you can see the calorie counting method just doesn't add up mathematically to the results that they claim are true.

If weight loss equaled calories consumed minus calories burned then all people eating 4,000+ calories per day should be morbidly obese (it's impossible to burn that much in a day with exercise*). But they are not necessarily, some have a very low body fat percentage. The movie star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, in order to maintain his legendary physique, eats more than 5,000 calories a day. The calories, spread over seven meals, include roughly 2.3 pounds of cod, a fish particularly rich in protein.

Case and Point: If I posted the visual aid above without the words and asked you which man ate 2,000 calories per day more than the other man, most people would guess that Patient X had the higher calorie consumption because he looks over-weight.

The truth is that it's not calories that count, it's metabolism. How do you boost metabolism? Small frequent meals and exercise. I am quite certain that WHAT they eat is also very different. The Standard American Diet is full of unhealthy fats, processed foods, additives, preservatives, food coloring and refined carbohydrates. THAT plus a sedentary lifestyle is why Patient X is Morbidly Obese while The Rock is, well... A beast & A LEGEND! You can eat more and weigh less. It's what you eat and how you eat it that matter too, not just numbers!!!

So stop counting your calories (unless you are in a body building competition) and start eating lean, clean, and green and GET MOVING! There is no magic pill for success, you put in the effort and time will do the rest.

Lastly, don't be fooled by appearances. Some people may look skinny on the outside but they could have a lot of fat around their organs on the inside and can actually be in bad cardiovascular shape. I remember in high school a very skinny girl (genetically vata ectomorph banana small frame) had 3% more body fat than I did (pitta mesomorph pear medium frame) and I was physically bigger than her. So looks can be deceiving.

The bottom line is that if you are not getting the results that you want then it may be time to modify your nutrition and fitness routine. 2019 is a great opportunity to do that. Wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year.

If you don't believe eating clean works, here's my personal testimonial. When I was in graduate school I did the allergy elimination diet to try to find the source of my sinusitis. I ate only organic fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, gluten free grains including white rice, lamb, lentils, beans, and olive oil. I am 5'5" and I started off at 125 lbs. 6 weeks later I was down to 118 lbs. I went to my naturopathic clinic at school because I didn't like that I became so thin. My legs looked like I was riding a horse. I was eating PLENTY of calories but I could not keep the weight on. They advised me to eat more nut butters. The take home message is that your body will shed whatever it doesn't need when you give it what it does need! Our bodies need clean protein and vitamins and minerals from nutritious food. Eat good, feel good, look good. Good?

So when it comes to quality vs quantity, quality wins by a landslide! 

www,groovyhoovy.com

Trauma Happens: Recovering from Life

I had a dream once that I was knocked down by 3 consecutive tidal waves. I came to understand the meaning of that dream many years later. 3 big unexpected life events which occurred in my life at ages 11, 25, and 32 that totally crushed me and yet I was able to stand up afterwards unharmed. I believe the lesson in these events were humility, trust, and faith. G♡D was showing me that He runs my life and my illusion of control is just that, an illusion. My mantra is בידו אפקיד רוחי. (In His hands I entrust my spirit). I acknowledge that אין עוד מלבדו (It's all G♡D) and I see that it's also true with unforeseen blessings. It's all out of my hands and beyond my control. I am grateful to finally absorb it so no more tidal waves are necessary.

When I was 11 years old or so, my parents got divorced.  As a coping mechanism my young psyche developed perfectionism, probably believing that if I was perfect this would not have happened, my world would not have fallen apart.  So I was the perfect daughter, an honor role student, skipped 8th grade, graduated high school with honors, lettered in Track & Field, tutored my peers, held numerous jobs before, during and after school, and kept myself occupied with sports, music, and friends.  I didn't know what a crutch perfectionism would be until I became an adult and a healer called me out on it.  At first, I was in denial.  After all, I half-assed a lot of things that I did, how could I be a perfectionist?  I came to understand later that a perfectionist doesn't necessarily do everything perfectly but rather expects life and people to be perfect and suffers repeated disappointment because both life and people fail to meet this impossible and unrealistic expectation.  I was subconsciously hard on myself and therefore also very critical and judgmental of others.  Even though I am aware of this today, it is still something I need to constantly work on every time I catch myself doing it.  It's hard to stop things that are on autopilot but luckily I have people in my life who help me to realize when I am falling into these hardwired patterns so that I can consciously make better choices.  My husband is good at helping me with this.

When I was 25 years old, I was drugged and raped by someone I knew and trusted, a friend who I had worked with for almost a year.  I didn't tell a single soul about it.  Not my parents (who I am very close to), not the police, not a doctor, not even my best friend.  I couldn't even tell myself (admit, accept, acknowledge) that it happened.  I was in shock and denial about it and I suppressed it as if it never existed.  I became full of (self) doubts.  My coping mechanism for tidal wave trauma number two was similar to the first one, I got very busy.  I didn't have time to deal with the (emotional) pain.  I was immersed in 2 full time graduate programs: Naturopathic Doctor and Acupuncture, I woke up at 5am and went swimming at 6am (to train for a triathlon), I was sometimes in school from 9am to 9pm because of the double track I was in that had not even been created at the time but I pioneered and navigated it on my own. I trained for and competed in 2 half marathons, 2 full marathons, 1 rollerblading marathon, and a 200+ mile bike ride from Seattle to Portland. I got a massage therapy license and a fitness instructor license. I taught Pilates at my school and at a local gym.  I took up Latin Dancing-- sometimes going out 4 or more days per week and coming home in the wee hours of the morning. I even traveled to Alaska, Hawaii, California and had an active social life and dated.  Rape? As the famous meme goes: Ain't no body got time fo dat!  

So I kept this secret for about a decade.  Then I read a story online about a woman who had been raped and it hit me.  It was before the #metoo movement but that's what I felt. ME TOO!  I was finally ready to deal with the skeleton in my closet that I pretended wasn't there.  I wrote and published an article anonymously online about my experience and what I learned from it in order to try to help and encourage others in a similar situation to get the help that they need and to feel supported and that they are not alone.  People commented on my article that they were glad I shared my story and that it helped them in some way.  I wrote and sent my rapist a letter in the mail.  I found out that he had a daughter and asked him if he would have wanted what he did to me to happen to her. I didn't include a return address, and I don't know for sure if he got it but I wanted him to know that I knew what he did to me even though he drugged me and I was unconscious during the act.  I suggested that if he felt remorse he should volunteer for a rape prevention organization to make amends for what he did to me.  By the time that I was ready, able and willing to deal with it, the statute of limitations had already passed and I could no longer take him to court.  I rest assured that Divine Justice prevails and everyone gets what they deserve in the form of karma.

At the time when I published my article, only pseudonyms were used in the story.  I didn't want my name attached to the story.  Although I didn't feel guilt or shame, per se, like many victims or survivors of sexual abuse do, I was afraid that if a patient or potential patient would Google my name that they would find the article and it would be TMI-Too Much Information: Not something you feel comfortable knowing about your health care provider.  I didn't want anyone to judge me or feel pity for me.  I wanted to hide that part of me because it was too uncomfortable to bear.  That all changed recently when another woman shared her similar story online in the form of a Ted Talk.  I felt fortunate that my incident didn't give me nightmares or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but something she said, hit home for me.  

In my life I seek to empower those around me: friends, family, patients, social media followers.  I often said things like, "What you think of me is none of my business."  I want people not to be afraid of being their true authentic self.  I want people to be free from the burden of seeking outside approval or validation.  And yet, I was being a hypocrite.  By publishing my article anonymously, I was hiding an unpleasant fact about myself that I didn't want people to know about because I was trying to project a perfect false image of myself and having been raped was not part of the narrative that I embraced as being part of my social history.  Instead of practicing what I preached I was practicing, "do as I say, not as I do."  

When this hit me, I reached out to the publisher and asked her to please add my name as the author of the article.  I was ready to be a role model of authenticity.  I will no longer play into society's errant notion of blaming and shaming the victim.  If I were the criminal in this case, THAT would be something to be embarrassed and ashamed about.  But something happened to me, against my will, and I decided not to be held hostage to it any longer.  I realized that if someone found my article online and didn't want to be my patient because of it, then that person was not meant to be my patient. However, I sense that the opposite is true.  

After over 3 years of working at a drug rehab center, when I finally had the courage to share my story with my community acupuncture session, it was following watching the Ted Talk video above together with them in a group and things clicking into place for me.  Instead of being rejected as I had feared, people came up to me afterwards and hugged me and shared their similar stories with me.  I received empathy, love, support, and compassion not judgement, criticism, rejection, and shame. My fears were in vain.  What a breath of fresh air.  To be open and honest and real is far more respectable, productive, and liberating than being secretive, fearful, and false.  When your thoughts, speech and actions are all congruent, you can have inner peace.  It is a gift we can give ourselves, being authentic.  

My patients were surprised when I told them that I didn't turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain because many staff working at recovery centers are also in recovery.  I suppose sports, studies, and salsa dancing are a healthier coping mechanism than substance abuse, but underneath those healthy things I was doing was the emotional pain that I didn't want or know how to face and deal with.  We were more similar than different, we just chose a different means of avoidance and distraction.  We both sought to deny or evade an uncomfortable past event we just went about it in different ways.  

Now I know that the only way to get over the pain, is to go through the pain.  If I could go back to my 25 year old self, I would have trusted myself and gone to make a police report.  I didn't want to accuse a friend of raping me (since I had no memory of the actual rape due to the date rape drug that was put in my water) but the police could have sent me to a medical examiner who may have found physical evidence of the incident but I didn't know that back then and I was shocked and traumatized, I couldn't think straight.  I do wish I would have told someone about it.  20/20 hindsight as they say.  Life is lived forwards not backwards.  As one of my teachers says, "Don't ask why me, ask what now?"  

So now my mission is to be a resource and lamplighter for those who went through difficult times to come out triumphant instead of victimized and downtrodden.  I seek to lift others up who have also been hit by the tidal waves of life.  We all have scars and baggage and traumas that we survived.  The question is do we continue to live in the past and suffer by losing our power and freedom or do we push forward and thrive not despite of the trauma but rather because we authentically embrace and accept the totality of our selves and all of our experiences.  

My third tidal wave came in the form of an unplanned out-of-wedlock pregnancy.  This was a major crisis for me.  The pregnancy, the stigma, and being a single unwed mother was not part of the script that I wrote for myself.  Surrendering my ego and following the Creator's plan was not easy but I see that with the other 2 trauma's He was breaking me in.  I thought I was in charge of my life and He showed me over and over again that stuff happens that's out of my control and life goes on, just like in theater, the show must go on. The question is how would I adapt, would I become bitter or better?  

Just like a toddler who is learning how to walk repeatedly falls and must keep getting up without dwelling on all the past failures, we too as adults get knocked down by life and must repeatedly get up.

The truth is that after my third tidal wave I opened a business and closed it 3 years later.  It didn't take off as I had hoped, wanted, or planned.  Overall,  I felt defeated by life, like nothing was going my way, as planned, as anticipated, or as I had envisioned.  I felt beat down, fatigued, and discouraged.  

So now I'm taking off my mask and putting myself in recovery.  Recovering from not believing in myself, recovering from feeling like my parent's divorce was my fault, recovering from perfectionism, recovering from not accepting my imperfect life, recovering from fear of rejection, recovering from denial, recovering from negative self-assessments, recovering from life not going as I planned. 

I never wanted my parent's divorce, rape, and having a child out-of-wedlock to be part of my narrative.  I never wanted it to be part of my story.  But there it was, and there it will always be and the only way over it is through it.  Instead of running and hiding, all I can do is face the music and dance and help others to do the same.  We are all injured and wounded warriors in our own ways but we must be there for one another and remember that the wound is where the light enters.

I may not be able to erase my past but I can certainly cultivate a compassionate future of acceptance, surrender, faith, confidence, trust, and empathy for myself and others.  That is all there is left to do now. 

  

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